Usually people write it at the dusk of their life to elaborate or sometimes summarize their achievements or analyze their failures or to attribute thanks to their soul mates or to bash the troublers in their life, but in my case it’s a bit different. I am neither an achiever nor at the dusk of my life, definitely I too have something to say, something to share and it is just my interaction with the people I have got chance to interact with and about building of myself and my vision.
First thing first, I start it from my birth. I was born in a village Madanpur where my father was working in the government revenue department. I was second child in the family and when I came in it my sister had already completed her first year. Although there never been any gender discrimination in my family from my parents, I was welcomed because my birth actually brought gender diversity. (I will use the word diversity time and again as it is one of my favorite words.)
Although, the image of Bihar in popular media has been a culturally backward state, I enjoyed the unparallel freedom and secure environment during my childhood. My grandpa was a moderate person while grandma a generous but a very religious one. At the age of two I was shifted to the southern part of the state which is now become a separate one, Jharkhand. My childhood memories don’t go beyond that. I think the place where I spend all of my childhood and bit adolescence has made a major impact on the building of me. I’ll always be indebted to the place Chakulia, a block head quarter, a semi industrial town. Actually the socio-economic features of this place were so complex that I just can’t define it or classified it under any category.
Chakulia was like a cosmopolitan suburb. Due to its proximity with Kolkata and several other industrial towns the social chromosome of the place was very complex and favorable. Sometimes I compare this place with American open and diverse society and I’m not exaggerating. Its location had perhaps made it like that. There were tremendous opportunities for all. When I came here there were a series of small industries running profitably. The wealth was not in the hands of a few communities. People from all most all part of the India were residing there and there were no extreme dislikes among them. People of the place were in complete communal harmony and prosperity. So, I brought up in a secure society where there were trust, respect and belongingness in the air. My father was also an open minded person and thus for a long period I had never been encountered with hatred and discrimination. The school where I studied up to sixth standard was although a semi religious one but it could never made any lasting impact on me as I was very rational in my childhood. We used to make fun of the text books that were taught to us. It was then only one reputed school, therefore, children from all strata of society came to it. In this way, I could attend the class of diversity at the very beginning of my life.
My father was a teacher in the government high school. There were three high schools, and all were owned by the government. He was an intelligent, smart and laborious teacher. Very soon he became one of the famous teachers. The salary was sufficient for a subsistence life, but my father had strong self imposed obligation to help his family financially, very soon he stared giving tuition to add some more money to the income. I heard that he had sent all of his salary to his brothers for their higher studies for several years. Finally, my uncles got jobs and they are now living good life. If I take you one generation back then you will better understand the actual reason of the paucity. My grandpa was a head clerk in District commissioner office. It seemed to be a post where you got bribes without any efforts, but my grandpa was a very honest one and to run a family of twelve (my father had got four brothers and five sisters) was not an easy task. So, my father has always been a symbol of sacrifice. Thus I was born and brought up in a family with strong value system and openness surrounded by secure environment. This upbringing made me a person who wants to trust others and to be trusted.
Sibling rivalry and Schooling
Nishi, my elder sister and I now when sit together remember our childhood rivalry and enjoy talking over it at length. We both were good wrestler and you can’t believe because of our regular practice I once won a silver medal in wrestling in school. She was very good at studies and I was never serious those days. She was a hard worker and I; I can identify myself with the protagonist of Tare Jamin Per. I don’t know how I often managed to stand first in my class despite tough competition and my non-seriousness. My mother had a very crucial role in shaping our childhood. She always wanted to provide us the best educational facilities and she did. Father usually didn’t have time for us as he would be very busy those days. So, our primary education was provided in the strict supervision of softy mom (she is very generous and soft spoken).
I was not very choosey when it came to have something while Nishi was very particular about her food. My mom always gave importance to her and you can say I was a victim of reverse discrimination. Due to her behavior or study she was dear to all, nevertheless, it never disturbed me partially because I would live in other world and whatever I liked I got it sometimes forcefully or by other means. I was obstinate but not in a bad sense. I was never bullied. Usually I didn’t inter into other’s matter I was happy with my own world.
Until class 10th nothing changed. Lots of tuitions daily, sometimes one for each subject, Urdu and Drawing classes in weekends, I had no time to think about other than my studies. Some trivial changes occurred, I got a bicycle and Nishi shifted to Baripada for her intermediate studies. Before school now I had to attain three tuitions which stated from 6 o’clock, and after school sometimes one.
A sudden departmental transfer of my father to a naxalite area brought turbulence in my quiet world. I had no option but to join a residential school in Daltonganj. I had never been in any residential school before that. I had very painful experiences in it and after a long effort my father became ready to take me back from it but he imposed some conditions on me. The condition was that he would never teach me. I accepted it and start self- study. From then I stared enjoying self-study which became an important part in my further life.
Nishi after some trouble adapted herself in the changed environment and again started giving her best performances. She stood first in the college and took admission in Economics degree course.
Living in Palamu was actually living in a fairy world. All short of goodies and bad things were mixed in a strange manner. Everything was cheap. All vegetables, fish, grains and milk were available at least prices and it was also true with human life. Human life was also very cheap; it had no value. Genocide or single incidents of murder all didn’t merit any attention those days.
After nine month my father succeeded in getting his transfer to other location. When our vehicle was leaving Palamu, I still couldn’t believe that finally I was going out of this strange place. All experiences were not so bad. I had got some good friends in that residential school and I could meet some nice people there. Finally, it enriched my database and at a very early age exposed me to a totally different world. I‘ll indebt to you, Palamu!
The place was Sonua, again a block headquarter, in Kolhan belt of Jharkhand. I really enjoyed each day living here. No it was not a hill station, it was actually a high place surrounded by small hills. Each day and especially during rainy season I would enjoy seeing the nature doing painting with full of bright colors on the broad canvas of open blue sky. Driving scooter over the serene hill was really amazing. The house where we used to reside was surrounded by mangroves with water logged land. Watching different birds, fishes and other strange creature of that vivid ecosystem was always enjoyable in leisure. This was the very place, Sonua, which transformed me from an ordinary one to a nature lover. The tribal peoples and my interactions with them were really memorable. Their innocence and simplicity can attract any person who has any interest in anthropology. I’m a great fan of their clean homes and carefree nature. At a point of time in my life I had a plan to leave the so called modern world and to shift in the jungle to reside with them.
College and higher studies
After matriculation I had to leave the place to get admission in any big city. I was sent to Patna where I took admission in RMR seminary, Khazanchi Road. Again I could not bear the pain of the detachment from home. The residence was not good or the educational environment or perhaps due to homesickness I couldn’t coax myself to stay there. I didn’t have any good experience of this place but surely it made me aware about the life of a city and what it meant in living in an unhygienic and crowded place. I hadn’t seen any city more dirtily than Patna and if you entered here in a rainy season you could actually understand what I wanted to say. Things haven’t changed yet.
So, again I was at home. It was not an easy task. For my father this step of mine meant the end of my academic life. After several trial and errors finally he became calm. I did my intermediate in science and degree in history hons from home by commuting to Chakradharpur, a sub divisional headquarter. Travelling in packed buses and trains were then my routine. During last year of graduation my family had to shift to Jamshedpur for my sister’s study.
Now father stated commuting from Jamshedpur to his office at Sonua. We were shifted to a small house in Jamshedpur. Nishi stared taking coaching for MBA entrance examination and I joined a multimedia short term course. Next year she got admission in XISS, Ranchi and I continued my course. After one year I got a job in multimedia industry. Jamshedpur was a nice place, clean and wide roads, good market, excellent schoolings and beautiful parks and so it had got some ISO certificate. I enjoyed working and studying simultaneously one year and then i was selected for PG course in IIMC, New Delhi. I swiftly grabbed the opportunity and shifted to New Delhi.
Disillusionment@ IIMC
I was much exited after I got a call from IIMC. I thought it would be a turning point in my life. Alas! It never happened. Very soon the real picture of mass-media industry was clear to me. The drama of political discourse over Television was now making fun out of me. The body languages of big anchors were all false. Their helplessness was just a deception. The new endeavor to change my occupation was a total fiasco…
Actually what happened in IIMC deserves a long piece of writing…and I’ll definitely share it after some time.
Then Noam Chomsky came into the scene. I could understand the realities in a better light. This was the phase in my life which inspired me to attach myself with philosophy and literature. I started reading all sort of books including Fictions, Non-fictions, biographies and other genre. I joined some of the best libraries of Delhi and started eclectic reading meanwhile I worked on my academic vocabularies. It paid well and I could feel a different life by recognizing pleasure in reading.
After eight months job as graphics designer I indulge completely myself in self-study. I applied for some PG courses and joined a PG Diploma course in development management in Madurai. I was very happy and excited to join it because it was situated in a serene outskirts of Madurai and I always wanted to live in a pastoral place.
But again I had to face arrays of problems there….
Life @ TDA
Despite the opposition of my family members and well-wishers, I took admission in the institute. I waited for other three months because the institute had not been able to attract the minimum number of students. I helped as per my capacity to the institute. Finally, classes were started with only ten students. I took a deep breath of relaxation.
Remedial classes were started and I got some opportunities to interact with some faculties and to understand the pedagogy. Very soon I understood, the USP which I had identified was the major obstacle. all faculty members were development professionals with more than five years of work experience and the institute was closely linked with an NGO, I thought these two would bring fresh and real knowledge in the classroom and classes would no longer be academically boring. Alas! I couldn’t calculate the risk behind that. Several faculties had exposure to the development sector but because of a lack of strong academic background their leanings were very superficial and they were actually teaching common sense in a PG classroom. They had developed some study materials too which were just a copy-paste exercise.
Very first day we were told in a workshop that the study method would be based on only case-analysis. It sounded good but during that workshop when I tried to understand their pedagogy by asking some questions I got some hits what might happen.
Then our seniors came into the scene. After some interaction with them I could feel the air of suffocation. Actually, their behaviors were nothing more than the reflection of the authority of the institution. Several of them were very innocent and novice, what can you expect from a simple graduate from small Indian towns. These poor guys with almost empty mind were ideal student for the authorities. They didn’t know how to question and what to question. So, authorizes were in a very ideal position and they could control what and how their pupil would think. Thus in the institute there were no conflict. Discipline and values were their two sentinels. Any deviation from the line could make one vulnerable to the wrath of authorities.
To be continued…
. At least Srikanth Srinivas in the latest issue of Businessworld tried to put forward it, which I’m not going to buy.
Initially I was not a supporter of NREGA. Usually I don’t like any top-down approach, external fund based approach or any subsidy based approach to alleviate poverty.
द्रुत झरो जगत के जीर्ण पत्र!
